Saturday, April 3, 2010

Why Anime Martial artists really grind my gears

As you can tell by the topic title, I am about to start discussing martial arts in fiction. HOWEVER, I am not here to discuss how martial arts allow people to shoot fireballs from their hands. I am perfectly fine with that, as while that is not going to happen in reality, the series USUALLY does not pretend to be realistic when this happens. No, what really grinds my gears is when anime that pretends to take place in reality tries to portray martial arts.

Why is that you say? This is because martial arts are always presented as making you INVINCIBLE. I’ve taken Karate classes, and it didn’t make me toughest guy on the block. Yet, if a character in an anime has taken martial arts, they can take down an army of minions. Take for example, a scene during Key: The Metal Idol when a guy knocks a mob enforcer on his face, and mentions he was able to do it because he took some Karate in college. What, do bodyguards not have to learn to fight these days?

But do you know who REALLY grinds my gears? Ai Tokiwa from Great Teacher Onizuka. Really, a high school student who can beat the crap out of several people just because she’s taken Tai Kwon do? How long has she been taking it? Of course, she gets beaten up by the local computer nerd, who also is apparently a karate master (yeah, sure, probably took the same weekend class as Ai), but that doesn’t explain why she can take down several people… but apparently nobody in that universe believes it either.

Now then, I’ve taken some martial arts classes, and I was highly disappointed that the three months of training that I took did not allow me to take down five henchmen at once. In fact, when I discuss it with people, I’ve found that a surprising amount of people know martial arts themselves. So if I were to try to take down a bunch of people, I’d get my ass kicked. And yet, in fiction, about a month of martial arts training makes you as tough as a real person gets with 10 years training.

Retro Moment: Key: The Metal Idol (1994)

Hello all, it's time to review an older anime I’ve watched known as "Key: the Metal Idol." That had to be about the weirdest, most messed up series I've seen in a while. I loved every minute of it. Really, now, it's a brutal depiction of people vying for fame and power, looking for an edge, starring a robot that has a mission to earn the trust of 30000 people.

Really now, what makes this show different form every other show depicting a robot wanting to be human? Well, as can be observed, this one much darker, by a severe degree. Also, it's not about a guy who fumbles upon/creates the perfect woman. Oh no, this is about a naive person going out and experiencing the seedy underbelly of Tokyo. Not to mention, the twisted people who are interested in her. What could make it better? That would be the fact that there's no tacked-on romance subplot. Oh yes, you don't have to worry about them poking their nose where they don't belong. Unfortunately, this show does suffer from boring first-episode syndrome. So without spoiling it, I can say this is one twisted, gut wrenching, and awesome experience.

Is it worth it? Well, when it comes to DVD content, they were kind enough to follow the Fruits Basket train of thought. They crammed at least 3 hours on each DVD, keeping it down to a tidy 3 DVDs. In total, this series has 13 normal sized episodes, and 2 triple length episodes, so it will take a bit of time to watch. However, there is no filler, which is great for a series of this length. Not that I have a problem with filler or anything, but this isn't the series it belongs in. Unfortunately, since this series is quite old, it is aa eal bugger to find and get a good price on. Even Ebay managed to fail me on getting a price under 30$. However, I can say that it was worth it, and you can get it easily with the Blockbuster movie pass or Netflix, as nobody's renting it due to obscurity. But then again, after viewing the first disk, I decided it was worthy of joining the various DVDs I have on display. Anyway, I found Key: The Metal Idol to be a very disturbing, and worthwhile experience.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Yaoi Fangirls are evil

To start my triumphant return, I’m going to start by responding to a fan letter about a problem he’s been having

Dear BryAnime,

Hello, I was wondering if you could help me with a problem I’ve been having lately. My girlfriend hasn’t been paying attention to me lately, and all she wants to do is look at “boys love” doujinshi. It seemed harmless when she first starting reading it, since it was just a comic. Later though, she started asking me if I would consider kissing my best friend. I told her it was the most ridiculous idea I had ever heard, and she seemed to be legitimately disappointed by it. Later, I tried holding her hand and she wouldn’t let me. Later that night, when I proposed we have, ahem, intercourse, she denied me and instead told me all about what was going on in a manga she was reading. All she did was go on and on about semes, ukes, which of my favorite anime characters (male) look good together, and all kinds of horrible things. Then she showed me a scene from this book she was reading. I was shocked and appalled by how hardcore the material was.

Needless to say, I didn’t have intercourse that night, and instead got to hear about “boys love”…. Gross. In fact, whenever I hear her talking to her friends, she no longer mentions me as a person, and instead talks about how cute I would be with my best bud. To make matters worse, when I had my best bud over, she asked me to kiss HIM. It’s really making me uncomfortable. BryAnime, is there any hope of me getting my girlfriend back?

A Neglected Boyfriend

Dear Neglected Boyfriend,
I’m sorry to say she’s probably a lost cause. Did you try talking to her about this? How bout’ suggesting she kiss one of her female friends? How about discussing Yuri with her?

If all else fails, you can rest assured knowing people like her will never breed.

Sincerely, BryAnime

Next Letter: My Boyfriend is a Furry

Related Posts:
Why won't my boyfriend stop looking at Hentai?
Why does my girlfriend want me to be a bishounen?
Why does my girlfriend enjoy crossdressing so much?
Why Weeaboos really grind my gears

I'm coming back

Well, I haven't' posted here in a while due to life and stuff...

alas, my job has been cutting hours like crazy, and I'm gonna try to make it back here. So, happy to be back, and may my page views be plenty