Analyzing the various sects in the church of Haruhi

As I have gone about my journey as a high priest in the church of Haruhi, I have had to discuss my beliefs in Haruhiism with other followers. It is during these journeys that I have discovered that there are in fact many sects of the church of Haruhi, each with their own separate beliefs on the divinity of Haruhi, and her relation to the SOS Brigade, the SOS Brigade’s relevance, and how Haruhi’s will manifests in the universe.

Western (Roman Catholic) Haruhiists These Haruhiists take the most basic approach to their faith in Haruhi. They take the teachings of the anime at face value, and believe that Haruhi is by far the most awesome character in the show. I’ve encountered these Haruhiists on various occasions, who value her views quite highly. These Haruhiists believe that the show would fall apart without her, and value episodes where she plays a prominent role. To these members of the church of Haruhi, the show is called “The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya” because Haruhi is the main character, and her developments keep the show running, along with shenanigans.

Eastern Orthodox Haruhiists: The sect of Haruhi that I devote myself to, where while we do acknowledge Haruhi’s divinity, we do not actively worship her as the western Haruhiists do. In this sect, we do not attribute the show’s greatness to Haruhi, and prefer episodes that focus on side characters. This is because Haruhi can in fact, become quite annoying. Hence, these Haruhiists actually favor other members of the SOS brigade in their conversations, for they often bring more to the show than Haruhi herself. It should be noted that to this sect of Haruhiism, the main reason the show is called the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is because Haruhi puts events into motion, not because she is the main character.

The Kyon reformation: These Haruhiists believe that Haruhi is just a front for the true power behind the universe, Kyon. This sect believes that Kyon does not wish to have the universe altering powers he possess, and hence blames everything that happens on Haruhi. This sect is mainly followed by people who enjoy looking at alternative explanations to the universe. This theory is supported by Kyon’s opening statements, showing that he once had a desire for there to be secret organizations out to do…. stuff. However, giving this ability to Haruhi would give him his much desired right to complain, so he gives the reality warping powers to her. While it would be more accurate to call this sect the “Kyonists,” they stem from the same source as the other Haruhiists. 

Biblical Haruhiists: These are those Haruhiists who have read all of the books, even the ones released only in Japanese, and discuss the repercussions of everything that happens to them. I, for one, can’t really stand reading translated novels on a computer, for I find it quite dull. Instead, I wait for such items to be released so I can read them on the bus. While these Haruhiists MAY possess deeper knowledge of Haruhi than I do, I plan to eventually read the light novels. Eventually. It should be noted that a great portion of the Kyon formation is also a member of this sect.

According to TV tropes and my conversing with other Haruhiists, these are the most prevalent factions of the church of Haruhi. It is quite possible that other factions exist and are running rampant, spreading alternate doctrines about the Church of Haruhi. Alas, for the time being, this is all I have encountered.

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Documents Referenced:
Uncyclopedia Article
TV Tropes on Alternative Theories