What if Star Trek was written in Ancient Greece

 <-Historians were dumbfounded when they discovered this Greek vase featuring a picture of the Starship Enterprise

As I’ve been studying science fiction throughout the ages (read: watching Star Trek while eating a bowl of cheetos) I’ve notice a tendency in science fiction for it to emulate what it believes to be the perfect future for that time period. This becomes more apparent when one looks at the Star Trek movie released in 2009 and compares it to the original series, written in the 1960’s. The 1960’s Star Trek seems to embody the ideas of the 60’s with Captain Kirk running through the galaxy solving his problems through humanistic cheese. In the 2009 Star Trek, he solves problems with his inherent cheeziness, although they draw much less attention to it, and it focuses more on his ability to fight dirty. Furthermore, everything is much darker, and people are using advanced looking technology, rather than tape decks on a spaceship.

 This got me to thinking, what did they write about in the Greco Roman world, before we had even theorized spaceships? I think the whole thing would look entirely different….

Star Trek: Written by Genidillius Rodexilles (Gene Rodenberry) in 425 BC.

The date is 500 AD (This was far into the future at that point in time. Christianity? What’s that?)

We see a perfectly symmetrical ship flying by, with a statue of Chronos (god of space) on the front.

Meanwhile, on deck, we see a bunch of officers, all wearing togas and discussing things, while Spoxidius (Spock) is sitting in the corner, telling things to a scribe, writing things in stone. There is no Uhara there, but instead we see a shirtless pretty boy wearing winged sandals and carrying a horn, since these are obviously the best communication devices. After a zoom around the deck, the captain, Kirkatles (Kirk) comes out, completely naked, showing an incredibly muscular body with no physical flaws. He would then make his offerings to the gods before setting out their 5 year voyage throughout the cosmos.

In other episodes, we would see Kirkatles get captured and be tempted with things from his wildest dreams, such as olives and wine, while enjoying pottery and discussing philosophy. At the end of every episode, of course, Kirkatles would show those stupid barbarians (Klingons) how Greek values are vastly superior to theirs, and use them to defeat them. Of course, we cannot forget about the time travel episode, where Kirkatles goes back in time to the ancient time of Troy, and winds up meeting Achilles and falling in love with him. Alas, Kirkatles realizes that this would mess up the order of the cosmos, and has to return to his own time.

Of course Star Trek would be passed along by Bards and poets, and possibly written on Pottery. After that of course, the Romans would probably get the rights to it and start renaming the characters crazy things like making Kirkatles into some dumb name like “Kirk” or something, and making Spoxidius something equally stupid, like “Spock.” Hm… This looks like a pretty interesting fanart idea, if somebody wants to do it.

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