I'm stuck in a love Triangle with myself

 <-This is the best picture I could find of the mysterious person who sent me this letter.

 <-Previous Fan Letter: Do skills learned in dating sims transfer to real life?

Dear BryAnime,

I’ve been having a strange issue. You see, I’m living a double life. While I’m normally a mild mannered high school student, on the side I’m really a super-hero. I can’t specify which super hero for obvious reasons, but it has had horrible effects on my dating life.

You see, not only does having a super alter ego cut into my free time (making dating difficult) but it also shows me a darker side of the city. For example, I’ve noticed that the girl I like (in my regular life) tends to wind up in seedier parts of town, resulting in me having to rescue her on multiple occasions, from rapists, muggers, and the occasional supervillian. Now then, when I rescue her, she feels the need to reward (see: make out) with me. This is all fun and games until in my regular life, I ask her out, and she seems disinterested.

This leads me to a strange problem. Every time I hang around my crush, she just talks about my other life, and considers me pretty irrelevant because I’m not nearly as exiting as super me. This leads me to an unfortunate situation where I can’t actually compete with myself.

Is there any way that I can convince my crush that I’m a great guy, and that she should be interested in me instead of um… super-me?

Sincerely,

Your Friendly neighborhood super-hero

Dear Friendly neighborhood super-hero,

You appear to be in a very difficult situation. How you approach this is entirely up to you, depending on the results you want.

Hypothetically, you could engage in rampant sex with your girl on a regular basis as your super alter ego, never telling her who you are. This could be fun, since the super-sex could entice her to pursue your super alter-ego more often. I would suggest you avoid this if you want a healthy relationship between your everyday persona and your crush.

Alternatively, you could partake in the ancient practice of super-dickery, and tell her off the next time you encounter her in a seedy neighborhood. This will be better for her long-term health, and would ignite a spark between your regular persona and her.

On another note, you could tell her about the conundrum. This is incredibly dangerous, as soon a super villain will find out and hold her hostage, and nobody wants that. It’s because of issues like these that cause many people to believe that Batman has a horrible love life, although nobody is really sure how that is.

Sincerely, BryAnime

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How to get my boyfriend to stop watching anime

Previous Letter: Being in a harem anime sucks (when you aren't the lead)

Dear BryAnime

I’ve been having a problem with my boyfriend lately. He just doesn’t pay attention to me, and only talks about anime and video games. It’s a real problem, because I really like him, and we’ve known each other since we were kids. But sometimes I feel like he’d sell our relationship for the latest DVD boxset of whatever anime he’s into. Since I’m not into anime or video games, I knew this would be a problem, but I never anticipated the scale of it.

I mean, it gets REALLY bad sometimes. It really became obvious this one time we were having intercourse. You see, one night we had the TV on while we were doing it, so the neighbors couldn’t hear what was going on. Everything was going on as normal, until some anime came on, and he switched sides for a half hour. I asked my friends about it, and they said he was definitely watching the show during intercourse. I tried confronting him about it, but I couldn’t emphasize the point in words he’d understand. He seemed to just zone out and nod his head.

Well, I’d be lying if I’ve said I haven’t tried to get his attention. I’ve tried wearing cat-ears, schoolgirl uniforms, and even attempted some cosplay around him, and nothing seems to get his attention. What do you think I should do? I really wish he’d pay less attention to his obsession and more attention to me, but I can’t seem to get through to him.

Sincerely,
A neglected girlfriend

Dear Neglected Girlfriend,

Well, it looks like you’re in a bit of a sticky situation. Either he doesn’t really care about you that much, or he does a very bad job of showing it. Why not ask him what he thinks on the situation? The fact that you to are comfortable enough to have intercourse suggests that there is some closeness between the two of you. Maybe he just isn’t very good at expressing himself? No matter what, you’ll have to talk to him for it to get any better.

Sincerely, Bryanime

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Why does my girlfriend enjoy crossdressing so much?

 <-Edward Elric. He's prettier than most girls


Previous Letter: Why won't my boyfriend stop looking at hentai?  

Dear BryAnime,

Me and my girlfriend are going to anime expo this year right? So, I suggested that we cosplay together, since this would be our first expo. I had this great idea, right? I told her it would be awesome if I went as Link and she went as Zelda. Great idea right? Something we could both do, and it would look great at the dance. Unfortunately, there’s a small catch. She wants to do a couple’s cosplay and go to the dance, but she wants me to go as Roy Mustang, while she goes as… Edward Elric, both from Fullmetal Alchemist.

Now then, I have no problems cosplaying Roy, but I don’t see why she has to dress up as a guy to go to the dance with me. I suggested that she dress up as Hawkeye or Winry, but she absolutely INSISTS that she dresses up like Edward Elric cuz “he’s SOOOO dreamy.” The real problem is that she wants to take pictures like this! My friends are never going to let me get away with this. All of my friends on myspace will see pictures like this and make fun of me for it,

I’m confused on what to do man, because when I saw her costume I had a bigger problem. She looked kind of cute in it! I don’t know what to think man, am I gay? Should I be worried about this? Should I even bother cosplaying at this rate? I don’t know what to do man. Is there any way to get her to dress like a chick? I’m starting to get uncomfortable.

Sincerely,
A confused boyfriend

Dear Confused boyfriend

Well, honestly you don’t have much to complain about. You got a girl that’s willing to cosplay, and from what I’ve seen, that’s a rare thing. The problem here is you actually. We all know that Edward Elric is prettier than most girls, and you should be perfectly happy knowing that your dating somebody who is prettier than the rest of people at the dance, despite not being dressed as a girl. Why should it be a problem that you find her attractive while she’s pretending to be a dude? Who cares what your friends on Myspace say about it? I feel like posting on your myspace now. I’m sorry to say it, but at the rate your going, you’ll end up taking yaoi pictures, and wind up being on the bottom.

Sincerely,
BryAnime

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Why does my girlfriend want me to be a Bishounen?


 Dear BryAnime,

I was hoping you’d have a solution to a problem I’ve been having with my boyfriend. He’s a great guy and all, but he won’t stop looking at weird anime porn. Lately he’s been looking at it so much that I feel unneeded around him.

For example, yesterday I tried to get him to come to bed with me, but he refused. I asked him why, and it was because he was playing some crazy game involving high school girls and tentacles. I asked him if he’d let me see what the game was like, but he told me “You wouldn’t get it.” I waited for him to finish, but it took him nearly three hours, and by that point, the mood was dead.

I checked out the game while he was at work. I couldn’t eat for the rest of the night. I couldn’t even look him in the eye for the rest of the week. The only way to describe it is “Lovecraftian.”

Looking at his library of porn games, I realize that he wasn’t always into this hardcore stuff. It looks like his desire for weird porn just gets worse and worse. I don’t actually have any idea why he does this. About a month ago, I tried buying one of those sailor style school uniforms, but it didn’t pull him away from the game for very long. Is it possible he’s grown fonder of fantasizing about sex than actually having it?

The most abysmal thing was when he started referencing these things in bed. I just had to put my foot down and tell him I don’t find tentacles hot, and I don’t want to hear anything about tentacles in the bedroom.

Do you think there’s anything I can do to make him quit it? Is there any way to wipe some of those horrible images from my mind? And can I get him to quit mentioning tentacles? It freaks me out.

Sincerely,
A neglected girlfriend

Dear Neglected Girlfriend,

It appear you have a hentai addict on your hands. I would normally suggest castrating him, but I can tell you might want him after you stop the porn problem. I suppose another idea is you could suggest some of your own fantasies to him. Try catching him off guard. Perhaps see if he’s into sado-masochism, and if not do it anyway. After all, I’m sure you want to hit him a few times. It would force him to adapt a new viewpoint on other people’s views.

Or, you could just dump icewater on his lap whenever you catch him. You’ll definitely get yelled at, but it’d be funny.

Sincerely,
BryAnime

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Next Letter: Why does my girlfriend enjoy crossdressing so much?

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 ^Try the New Sexy Naughty Bishi workout, Guaranteed to turn you from the biggest badass in the nation to a pretty boy that fangirls will squeal over for some strange reason

Previous Letter:My Boyfriend is a furry

Dear BryAnime,

Hello, I was reading your fan letters section, and I was wondering what you thought on an issue I’ve been having with my girlfriend. Now then, we met at the local college, she was into psychology, I was into astrophysics (That major will drive you insane), we totally hit it off.

Now then, problems started rising up when I introduced her to anime. She wasn’t really into it when we started out (I showed her my favorite series, Gurren Lagan.) Sensing her disinterest, I tried showing her a more cutsie series, like Fruits Basket (my previous girlfriend showed it to me, and I got hooked.) She absolutely LOVED it. The problems started when she joined an anime forum and started connecting with other anime fangirls about stuff. Next thing I know, she’s discussing how attractive the characters in Fruits Basket with some other anime fans. A problem I noticed though, was the guys she was fantasizing over were nothing like me. She was talking about how pretty Yuki was, or how “bishi” Ayame was…. This was awkward for me, because I’m nothing like them. I’m about 6’3, muscular, and dress like a Biker. I tried to brush it off as a phase, and just prayed that it would get better.

Unfortunately, a week later, problems began. She asked me to grow my hair out. This wasn’t an issue, as I just refused to do it (long hair is SO impractical.) The really problem occurred when she told me that I wasn’t “pretty” enough. What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? I’m a dude, I’m supposed to be masculine, not “pretty.” What really got me angry is when she suggested that I get a manicure so that I’d be more “pretty”. After this I nearly flipped out, angry at her new “expectations” about what a male is supposed to look like. Well, we started arguing about how whether or not it was stupid for her to be gawking over guys who look like girls, and now we haven’t been talking much. Was I wrong? Should I apologize?

Sincerely,

A Disgruntled manly man

Dear Disgruntled manly man,

Well, you clearly have a conflict of interests with your girlfriend. She wants you to be a girl, and you want to be a boy. I’ve noticed a strange tendency among females who like anime to like men who look like women. You’ll just have to tell her you’re a guy and that you’re not comfortable making yourself pretty, and that she’ll have to deal with it. Or suggest that she date women if she finds feminine traits so attractive.

Sincerely, BryAnime

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Next Letter:Why won't my Boyfriend stop looking at Hentai?

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<-After being asked to dress like this, one girl realizes that a passing curiosity may develop into an annoying obsession

Well, after THIS post caused a skyrocket in page views, I decided to reply to more fanmail. Feel free to send a letters to DarthSomebody@yahoo.com, or post a comment, and you may get a post dedicated to you on my site

 Dear BryAnime

After reading about that guy whose girlfriend was ignoring him because of yaoi comics, I felt particularly inspired to ask you’re opinion on a tendency my boyfriend has recently picked up. Recently, he’s been demanding that entertain some of his more…. Perverse interests.

It all started when he was watching this one anime with a weird title. I remember there being an episode about a concert or something, and after watching that, he developed a serious bunny girl fetish. Apparently it reminded him of some girl…. Haruhi Suzi-something or another. He started begging me to wear a bunny girl outfit like the one she wore in that one episode. I didn’t really have that much of a problem with it, since it seemed to be a relatively normal fantasy.

Well, after an awkward night in bed (He accidentally screamed out Haruhi instead of my name… YUCK!) I was praying that he would never request something like that again.

I learned to be careful what I wished for

Apparently my bunny ears turned him on more than the overall appeal of the outfit, and he wanted me to try wearing MORE animal parts in bed. The next thing I know, he’s buying me tails, paws, wolf ears, cat ears, and all kinds of weird stuff. One night I asked him to stop all this animal stuff and let me whip him or something… but that was the biggest mistake I ever made. He started crying like a little puppy dog. Well, I told him he was crying like one. I really shouldn’t have though. It gave him an idea. He realized that he was more turned on the more animal parts he had me wear, and he thought it would be a good idea if he wore animal parts too.

Apparently my attempt at an insult inspired him to buy a dog suit with Velcro…. Well….Nevermind

BryAnime, is there anything I can do to stop the weirdness?

Sincerely

A Wierded out Girlfriend

Dear Weirded out Girlfriend

I think you said the best idea of all in your letter. You should definitely whip him. Tie him up, and whip him until he obeys you’re commands. Either you’ll convince him to be obedient to you’re every whim, or he’ll be weirded out to the point where he understands how you feel. Failing that, I think you might have to take him to the woods to release him

Sincerely,

Bryanime

Next Letter: Why does my girlfriend want me to be a bishounen?

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